7 Lies That Keep Us Small
Evolving is not for the faint of heart. We creep forward and through, barely knowing which end is up, wriggling forth on hope and tears. Hope that we will figure it out. Hope that we will do better. Hope that we aren't totally off our rockers. Hope that change will pay off in results, success, happiness. These personal evolutions are covered with bruised egos, scar tissue from the shedding of used up identities and the red smack of truth. Ouch. And yet...
That creep forward is eight hundred billion times better than the lies we tell ourselves to stay small. That inching forward, that snail's pace of personal growth is infinitesimally grander than staying stuck because it's just too hard to move.
YES. It is hard to move. But it's not too hard. It's necessary. It's not inevitable, but living any degree of happiness requires it. And to do this, we've got to stop lying. We've got to come face to face with some of our biggest, baddest demons. Running to the hills won't stop Truth from setting up shop. Denying as a means of communicating won't blend away facts from figments. We stay small because we're scared, not because we're truly small.
If we're really going to move forward, if we believe personal evolution is the threshold of our happiness, then we've got to stop telling these lies:
7 Lies That Keep Us From Succeeding
1. MY CAREER DEFINES WHO I AM.
That thing happens at every happy hour or social function. It sucks the life out of us. We hate when it happens to us, and yet we do it to other people. We ask: What do you do? As if the answer to that question has anything to do with anything. Sure it might give a surface insight, but generally, people hold onto hopes and fears that are beyond what they do for money each day. Even if you love what you do, you career is still not even a fraction of who you are. Good or bad, career is just party of the You-Story. It's not who you are. Find a way to tap into who you are and what you do will transform because of it.
2. IT'S TOO LATE.
Are you dead? Then it's not too late. Is it harder later in the game? Probably. Does that make it "too" late? Nope, that only makes it harder. But hard isn't the same as impossible and we've got to stop thinking that working hard to attain something greater than ourselves means we've missed the boat. Talent, skill and luck are nothing compared to showing up, no matter what time it is.
3. I'M ALONE.
Everyone feels isolated at times. We feel like we're the only one who knows what we're going through and who has ever been up against what we're up against. The key here is feeling it is not the same as being it. Being alone often has to do with communicating. Are you articulating your isolation? Are you admitting to at least one person you feel deserted, abandoned, given up on? If we truly don't want to feel alone, we have to give others the opportunity to show up for us by telling the truth. And the best antidote to isolation? Reach out and help someone else.
4. MOVING ON IS A FAILURE.
Moving on is an intentional choice. It's not the same as quitting too soon or giving up on your dreams. You know when moving on is a good thing: It's a relief. A load off. Enlightenment. Happiness. Spiritual abundance. Moving on is the most sacred thing we can do as we transform ourselves. It's the ability to detach, let go, free fall into authenticity. Friendships, careers, matters of the heart - letting go of these things takes courage and a huge amount of compassion for yourself. Moving on is a major breakthrough.
5. EVERYONE'S OUT TO GET ME.
It's so easy to put our own self-doubt and our own self-hatred in the hands of other human beings instead owning our fear. It's so convenient to not face our depletion of self-worth and instead express how much others just bring us down, down, down. It's so simple to sabotage ourselves and set up others as the culprits instead of acknowledging our own soul-crushing violence. It's easy, convenient and simple, but facts are facts. No one is out to get us as much as we are out to get ourselves.
6. NOT KNOWING THE ANSWER MEANS I'M STUPID.
We say it at every DSM we do: One of the best things you can do is be in a room with people smarter, better and further ahead than you. Be the least qualified in the room and you'll evolve up to the next level. Plus, have you ever noticed people who are really allowing themselves to transform and learn? They consider. They breathe. They ingest before they add to the conversation. Hustling our way to an answer means we skip over important details and obvious truths. Slowing down and thinking gets you closer to what's real. And reality is an intelligent place to be.
7. THAT'S JUST THE WAY I AM.
You may be stuck. You may be depressed. You may be confused. But those feelings are not who you are. You are immeasurable contradictions, revelations, wonder and beautiful imperfection. You are both wounded and healed. You are both bound and free. You are never just one thing, the more you attach yourself to just one thing, the more you cast a shadow on your whole, beautiful being.
So now that you've dismantled these seven lies (and of course, there are surely more) what have you made room for? What exists when you let go of these old stories? What feeling are you left with? Because that's the truth. That's the space of freedom and energetic wealth. This is place from which you will make shit happen.